The “FIRST” Step in Planning a Wedding (IDEALLY!) – Telling your Girlfriend’s Parents!

The title says it all. First step in planning a wedding is telling the parents of both sides that you’re getting hitched. Ideally, that is. I decided to, umm, take the unconventional route. Start our planning, and then tell Kay’s parents.

Ask any soon-to-be-wed guy, or any married guy for that matter. It’s not as easy as it looks. Sure, rapport has been established between you and your bride’s parents, considering you’ve established yourself as a household fixture already. But the thought of delivering this kind of news, the “Hi Tito/Tita! I’m marrying your daughter and taking her away from you already” kind of news, is pretty unnerving. Especially if you have a future father-in-law with a very intimidating presence. There’s just no way you can totally prepare yourself for that situation.

Kay and I originally targeted December 8, 2009 as our “moment of truth.” But the death of a very dear family member 4 days prior held us back.  We decided not to specify a date anymore, instead, agreed to get it done and over with before December 26, 2009, her  kuya’s wedding.  BUT, more unforeseen events happened so our “moment of truth” kept on getting pushed further, and further back. To cut the long story short, we only got to let her DAD know about our plans last January 20, 2010 (Kay told her mom about our plans earlier, in the hopes of having her prepare her dad for the “big news”). Here are some snippets of that conversation with her dad.

TJ: “Tito, niyaya ko na pong magpakasal si Kay, at pumayag na po siya.”

Kay’s DAD (with her mom watching on): “Ma, tama ba narinig ko? Ikuha mo nga ako ng cotton buds.”

TJ: “Hehe (nervous laugh). Opo, tama po.”

Kay’s DAD: “Kelan niyo plano? Handa na ba kayo? Handa na ba kayong magka-pamilya?”

TJ: “Sa December po. Handa naman na po kami.”

Kay’s DAD: “Wala naming problema sa akin yan. Ang sa akin lang ay yung request ng mama niyo.”

Our conversation went on for a few more minutes, with dad asking a couple more questions about our plans. In the end, Kay’s dad was really cool about the whole thing, thanks mainly to Kay’s mom who prepped dad beforehand. All I can say about that whole experience is that all my uneasiness and sleepless nights leading to that moment were actually unnecessary, BUT normal for any guy asking for the blessing of his girl’s parents. A little tip to guys out there planning a little rendezvous with your fiancee’s parents: Relax. Haha! Showing your future in-laws, that you’re nervous might give them a negative impression about your readiness for the married life.

So with that behind us already, our planning “officially” started. A couple of suppliers in the bag, but more of that on our future posts. Ciao.

Surprise, surprise!

(written by Kay in September 2008)

I remember a friend and colleague once told me that she knew right from the start that I would like TJ, that he’d be my type even if we haven’t even met. Honestly, TJ was initially not my ideal guy for a variety of reasons. Although I was known as a magnet for guys possessing the same physical attributes as his (kalbo, payat, etc.), the mere fact that he smoked and was a heavy drinker was a bit of a turn off. Besides, he was in another relationship back then and I was just taking my time after moving on from a previous 4-year relationship. Nevertheless, despite the obvious differences, we quickly managed to reach our common ground and I found myself a new best friend in him.

Fast forward after several months of a great friendship, the very liberal guy and the girl next door became a couple in September 2007. I admit I made it too easy for him since he need not court me. I guess I just felt that we knew each other well enough as friends that we didn’t have to impress each other anymore. We talked a lot, did many things together, enjoyed the same things and activities, knew each other’s friends. We were both fancy-free and adventurous and knew exactly what we wanted in our partners, which we fortunately found in each other. I think it also helped that right from the start, we wanted this to be the last for both of us. So the first time he told me the three magic words, I only had the same thing in mind.

This may sound like just another love story, perhaps just as cheesy as a new telenovela. We literally faced an angry mob, who tried to tear us apart, for months; financial issues that made us struggle; individual imperfections that let out relationship monsters from time to time; career obstacles that made us lose focus; inconsiderate variables like time and distance that occasionally cause us to disengage. He’s actually right in saying that the past year seemed like ages to us, and these are the same reasons, including the best times that we had together, why we are here now celebrating our first anniversary.

The Proposal

My idea of an anniversary celebration was simple – get away from the city to a place we’ve never been to and experience a new kind of adventure together. After weeks of research, we decided to go to Pagsanjan, Laguna since it was the most feasible given our schedules. Shooting the rapids could be the most unromantic gesture to celebrate our first year but it didn’t really matter. Everything we do together is plain and subconsciously romantic, even if we’re all messy, stinky and drenched in water. This also goes to show how we really are as a casual and fun-loving couple.

To cut the story short and before you click away from this page, here’s what happened:

We had a candlelit dinner by the river by 8:00 PM. I didn’t really consider this as a surprise since I already saw a photo of this dinner set-up in the resort’s website. I simply thought this was the staff’s kind gesture for their ONLY guests that weekend. While they were setting up the table and TJ was running to and from the room to get some stuff, I was busy shooting photos with our new DSLR. By the time the table was ready, we sat down and ate dinner together. TJ was unnoticeably quiet then and he told me he wasn’t that hungry because we had merienda earlier. I was getting a bit irritated because he kept on looking at his phone and has smoked several cigars already. Did I mention he even finished a few glasses of the wine we were having for dinner? He eventually started talking and we were casually reminiscing memories from the past year. His tone was quite serious but light and he was in his hopeless romantic mood that most of you may not even be aware of.

He first said he was sorry for not having anything to give me on our anniversary, which I was perfectly fine with because the trip was already a gift in itself. Then he brought out a letter telling me it’s the only thing he had for me and asked me to read it in front of him. It took me about 10 minutes or so to completely absorb everything he has to say in that 7-page anniversary love letter. I doubt if any other guy can write something as long and as honest as that. I was really happy to read about his thoughts – those that I already know and those that I never thought he had in mind. Right then, I felt I was lucky enough to be the girl, whom he chose to do these lovely things for. TJ can be the cheesiest and sweetest guy ever, you know. I was speechless.

I was not drunk but was crazy enough to think that he’d just let the night end as simple as that. I wasn’t expecting anything more either. But after a moment’s pause, he took my hand and told me that there was something else that he still wasn’t able to tell me in that very long letter. Random things rambled inside my head figuring what it could be, until he handed out a box, opened it, and took out the most beautiful ring I ever saw. He was smiling and looked a bit nervous when he asked me, “will you marry me?” I immediately answered with an “Ummmm” and threw him a suspicious look. I swear I was caught off guard and I never had the tiniest idea about any of this. I slapped his back and just said “Yes”, wore the ring on my left ring finger, hugged and kissed him repeatedly until reality sank in. God, the ring looked so pretty on my hand that I didn’t want to take it off. It had just the right fit.

After that, he bravely admitted that it was all a conspiracy among his friends: Fiel was the one texting him earlier during dinner, making sure he won’t spoil the proposal; We were with his officemates Friday night, and they all knew what was going to happen that weekend; Mariel helped him out with the ring; He made sure we were the only guests in the resort that weekend. And little did I know that everybody else had already read his letter before I did as he posted this on his Multiply. I was surely the last to know. What a big surprise!

THE RING

TJ is perfect for me and my life would not have been as great and complete if he weren’t with me. Whenever I wear this ring, I’m reminded of every single detail of that night when he proposed to me. I know not a lot of girls receive this kind of gift, and I really feel happy that he took a great effort and lucky that I have the chance to wear a beautiful remembrance of him for as often and as long as I want to. It still gives me tingles because having a physical proof of an engagement is far from just talking about possibilities of getting married in the future. Here’s something to constantly remind me that in time, I’ll be walking down that aisle and he’ll be waiting for me right in front of the altar. There are definitely a lot of things ahead to be excited about.